I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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