Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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