As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
