That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
