Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
