I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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