i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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