VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
