what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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