My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize