had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
