dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
