she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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