A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
