so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize