How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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