My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
