I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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