I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
