He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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