You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
