Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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