apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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