If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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