I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
