If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize