Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
