Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
