I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
