Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
