You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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