Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize