he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
