I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
