pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
