just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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