nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
