so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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