felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
