apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
