Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
