Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
