i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
