Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
