Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
