oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
