The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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