I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
