i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want a musical about memes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
