Do you still have your period?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
