Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
