my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize