either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
