u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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