shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
