she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
