i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
