he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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