His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
