I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
