as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize