i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
