Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
