i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
